Wavespire:Characters:Shayla:Backstory3

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When I awoke the next day, Maverick was still in human form. The room was no longer under an illusion, but he was still holding me close in bed. At first, I panicked, wondering if Dugald’s invisible servants had seen us, but then I remembered what Dugald had said. He knew that Maverick could change form, mostly because he thought I learned a spell to change him into a human. He also suspected that Maverick would meet my “needs” in that form. So, even if he caught us in bed together, he wouldn’t necessarily know he was a fey. Still, I knew he wouldn’t approve.

Maverick smiled at me and said, “Don’t worry. He saw us, but he didn’t say a damn thing. I made it appear that I was turning back into a raven slowly as well. I used a little glamour to make my arms look like they were sprouting feathers and turning into wings.”

I said, “I wish you hadn’t let him see you like this. He might not have said anything, but I’ll bet he’s seething on the inside. What if he figures out what you are?”

Maverick said, “He won’t. He would have to get much closer to do that. I’m sorry, but it didn’t feel right, turning back into a raven. It felt almost like I would be abandoning you, so I stayed as I was. I wanted to hold you all night long, and I thought you would want it too.”

I said, “I do. Just try not to antagonize him. We still have to make it to winter.”

Maverick said, “Don’t worry. We’ll make it, and I’m not going to let him harm you again.”

I said, “You’re very sweet, but I was serious. I don’t want you to put yourself in danger because of me. I’ve lived with Dugald almost my entire life. You’re doing enough by making it bearable. You’ve given me more hope than I’ve ever had.”

Maverick said, “You’re my true love. I will protect you.”

I stretched and said, “Now who is the one being stubborn?”

He chuckled and glanced at me with a mischievous grin. I love that grin. I can still see it if I close my eyes and try very hard to remember. I’m trying to remember everything about Maverick. I’m so afraid for him. He told me that if the Magi decided to kill me he would rescue me, but he wasn’t there when they threw me into this hole. If he was close I somehow don’t think he would’ve let them get this far. If he doesn’t come back, it means that he’s being held against his will—no, I won’t think on that now, or I’ll drown in despair.

When I finished getting ready for the day, I returned to the library with my book. Dugald was already there, drinking wine and reading from a large book that appeared to be bound with human skin. I cringed with disgust at the book, but he took no notice of it.

He said, without looking up, “I take back what I said about you not having any disgusting habits.”

I asked, “Oh, what do you mean?”

Dugald said, “Sleeping with your familiar? Really, Aisling, that’s the worst form of masturbation.”

I said, “Better than sleeping with dead bodies, like Accalon.”

He muttered, “True.”

Still, I could tell he was irritated, and once again I saw the expression of jealousy clouding his features. I wanted to point out how petty he was acting, but it wasn’t the right time. I could tell he wasn’t in the mood for playful banter, especially since he seemed engrossed in his book. So, I decided to change the subject.

I said, “Speaking of him, did Accalon stop by last night? I thought I heard his voice in the hallway.”

Dugald said, “Yes, actually. We had a very enlightening discussion. It seems the Hermetic Magi are looking for us.”

I said, “That doesn’t seem that enlightening. You knew already that they were looking for you.”

Dugald said, ‘Well, unfortunately it seems they’ve made some progress. I’ve sent Accalon to find a new location for our home.”

I frowned and said, “But my lab, and my greenhouse…”

He said, “Not to worry, Aisling. When I move, everything moves with me. Have you thought anymore about my offer?”

I said, “I have, and I’ve made my decision. I want to live, even if that means becoming more like you.”

Dugald grinned and said, “I’m glad to hear it. May I ask why?”

I said, “Well, if I die now, my familiar dies with me, for one thing. I also don’t want to be bound here as a ghost so soon. I would lose my magic. I’m finally finding some spells I want to research. I’m just not ready to die yet.”

Dugald said, “You still have a few more books to read. I know that feeling. It’s one of the things that motivates me to renew my own life as well. I’m proud of you. You made the right decision. Don’t worry. I’m still going to let you go at your own pace.”

I said, “Thank you, Master.”

Dugald acted as though he was thinking and said, “I’ve decided to reward you for your decision. I think that you’re ready to become a full member of the cult.”

I tried not to smile. It was funny how he was pretending to come up with the decision at that very moment. I instead chose to act shocked and slightly horrified. It would be the reaction he expected from me.

I stammered, “But, I thought you said you would let me go at my own pace!”

Dugald chuckled and said, “Don’t panic, you silly thing. I’m going to initiate you into the cult during the fall, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll be given full responsibilities. You’ll have a lot to learn. The others will understand that.”

I asked, “Will you still allow me to pursue my own projects?”

Dugald said, “Of course. Like I said, we’ll take things at your own pace, slowly, one day at a time.”

I sighed and said, “I guess it’s for the best. Is what you said true? Will I really be given more freedom?”

Dugald said, “Not initially, but yes. After about a year of service to the cult, when you’ve learned the name of the one we serve and how to wield our power, you’ll be given all the freedom you desire.”

I balled up my fists and muttered, “Because by then I’ll be just like the rest of you. I won’t protest anymore.”

Dugald said, “Exactly.”

I sighed and said, “Yes, Master.”

He glanced at the book in my hands and said, “An interesting choice, ‘Curses of the Hermetic Magi.’ Did you find anything interesting?”

I said, “Yes, I found out that Hermetic Magi can be just as dangerous and cruel as the members of this cult.”

He said, “They can be just as cruel, but you’re still naïve in regard to how dangerous we actually are, my Girl. One day, you’ll know the full extent of our power.”

I said, “As you’ve told me.”

Dugald shifted as though he was uncomfortable and said, “This winter, there’s a very important ceremony that I’m going to be involved in that might change my outward appearance. I just want you to know that no matter how I look, it’ll still be me on the inside.”

I said, “I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

He continued, “I don’t expect you to yet, just know that I might have to mistreat you in front of the others…”

I snapped, “You won’t rape me again.”

He said, “No, nothing like that, I’ll explain it more extensively when the time is right, but for now, just know that it’ll be me. I’ll allow you to know who I am. I’m trusting you with this information.”

I said, “I understand.”

I’m ashamed to say, I felt a pang of guilt at his words. It was the first time Dugald had really truly trusted me with anything, and I was planning to use that information against him. Still, I remembered him attacking me in the form of a horrible demon, and realized that I was justified in trying to escape. In some ways, a person held against their will has the right to try to escape, and I was definitely Dugald’s prisoner, whether he promised one day it would be different or not. I also knew if I waited and didn’t use the one opportunity I had, it really would be too late for me. The Magi wouldn’t even consider sparing me, and I would be a monster not worthy of pity anyway. I would no longer be the person Maverick fell in love with as well.

If Dugald was telling the truth, I wouldn’t be involved in the body changing ceremony, since he would have to reveal who he was afterwards. It really was my one chance. I knew what I needed to know, and making it to winter was my goal.

I spent the rest of the day working in silence, with Maverick perched on my shoulder in the form of a raven.

And so it went on for two more two more seasons. During the day, I worked on learning the curse to confuse Dugald’s tongue. I would have dinner with him and talk about all of the curses I was reading about, never telling him exactly which one I had chosen to learn. He seemed to think of it as a game. He tried to guess based on what I told him, but I was also becoming a master of deception. I led him in the wrong direction. He thought I was learning a paralyzing curse. I let him believe it. I already knew one way of immobilizing him, and it wasn’t a curse at all, but entangling vines. He wouldn’t be prepared for that. He also would never dream that I would be so irrational as to attack him outright if he tried to chase me.

I knew on the day I finally escaped, he would also regret not keeping a better eye on me. All of this time, he had never thought of me as a large enough threat to make sure he knew which spells I was learning. If I could help it, I wouldn’t fight him, but I had a feeling that was exactly what it would come down to. Whenever Dugald is involved, nothing is ever simple or straightforward. I would learn that lesson later…

My nights, however, were filled with ecstasy. When Maverick wasn’t creating beautiful illusions with his glamour, or talking to me about hopes and dreams that we shared, he was making love to me. Every night we learned more about each other and became closer. We also seemed to rub off on one another. He started acting less like a fey in his dealings with me, and I began to understand what it was like to think like one. He taught me about dealing with the fey and the nature of their bargains, but when he spoke to me, he no longer sounded as though he was hiding anything at all or trying to entrap me into a promise. And all of the promises we made to one another were honest and true.

I remember one evening in particular. It was the end of the summer and I was getting nervous about the fall. I heard rumors that there was a new prisoner in the dungeon, and it was the prisoner that the “fall ceremony” would center around. I hadn’t gone to see who it was, and I didn’t want to. In fact, I hadn’t even visited the dungeons at all. Dugald no longer ordered me to take care of the prisoners since the spring began, and so, I turned a blind eye to them. At least, I felt as though I was no longer a hypocrite. I would wait to find out who I would murder on the day I was forced to do it. Still, the thought had me literally feeling ill. I was actually planning to kill someone, and somehow I was rationalizing it to myself quite well. It made me wonder who I was anymore. How could I simply think, “This will be my last one...” and use that thought to justify the death of an innocent? I was starting to hate myself again, and Maverick could tell.

Maverick asked, “Why do you torture yourself over this? Dugald is putting you in this position.”

I said, “If I wasn’t such a coward, I would run away tonight, or I would’ve run away long ago.”

Maverick said, “And get yourself killed. You were right to wait. We have to wait until he’s distracted. Dying now would mean all of those years you spent trying to survive were wasted. You’re about to tell the Magi where to find Dugald. You can avenge every last person that you’ve killed in that way.”

I said, “No, I can’t. Not when I put them in their graves in the first place.”

Maverick said, “I’ve done things I’m not proud of as well, Aisling, but we’re going to make up for our sins together.”

I asked, “What have you done?”

Maverick’s expression darkened and he sighed and said, “I work for your Father in the Winter Court. Please, can we leave it at that? You know what I was going to do to you when I first came here. I’ve done worse than that.”

I said, “I understand. You’re in as bad of a position as I am.”

Maverick smiled and said, “Yes, but, you’re going to become a Maga. When that happens, you can turn your life around and then all of these years will be nothing but a painful memory. And, so can I.”

I said, “A memory that will haunt me forever. At lease you’re here with me. That means at least some good came from this. Not everyone gets to meet their true love…”

Maverick held my hand and got on one knee.

He said, “More good will come as soon as we’re free. Aisling, will you be my wife?”

I stammered, “Maverick, you’re proposing to me?”

He said, “Yes. I have no real ring to offer right now…”

He reached into his pocket and retrieved what looked like a carved wooden ring. He suddenly made a motion with his hand, and an ornate box appeared around it. When he opened it, there was a silver ring that appeared to be spun from ice and crystal. It was delicate and sparkled like winter snow.

He continued, “But, please, will you marry me?”

I said, “Yes!”

He smiled. It was the face of a boy granted his fondest wish. He pulled the ring from the case and put it on my finger. Even though I knew it was really just a wooden ring, I didn’t care. He could’ve proposed without anything at all and the answer would’ve still been the same. The fact he had taken the time to carve me a ring made his proposal even more special and sweet.

Maverick kissed me passionately and said, “We only have to make it through two more seasons. Two more seasons and we’re free.”

I smiled and mused, “Freedom. I can’t even imagine it anymore.”

Maverick said, “Then let me help you.”

Maverick enchanted the walls of my room to look like an open field full of wildflowers. There were trees surrounding us glowing with red and gold autumn leaves. There was a modest looking house in the distance, what I assumed was our house. I was wearing a pretty dress, but nothing extravagant, and Maverick was dressed in a simple suit.

He said, “If the Magi don’t accept you, we probably won’t have much money starting out, but we’ll be very happy. I promise you that. We’ll live in the human world. We can farm or raise livestock to fetch a living, and with any extra money we have, you can buy more books to study.”

I said, “I doubt we’ll have that much to start out with…”

Maverick grinned mischievously and said, “Well, after the atrocities you’ve had to perform here, a little petty deceit probably won’t hurt you very much.”

He picked up a few pebbles from the ground and suddenly they turned into golden coins.

I said, “I actually think that I would rather just wait and save up the money. I know that sounds stupid when you can just produce gold coins from the dirt, but it’ll make the things I buy special. Besides, I don’t want to add thievery to my list of things I need to atone for.”

He said, “Do you hear yourself? Never doubt that you have a good heart. You do, Aisling. That’s fine then, that’s what we’ll do. Still, the children will need to be provided for…”

I muttered in a bewildered voice, “Children?”

Maverick said with a chuckle, “Well, with the frequency that we make love, I can’t imagine that having children would be very far behind. You see, when a man and a woman have sex certain things can happen…”

I said, “I know how they’re made, but I just never thought about it before. We could have children. We should! We should have as many children as we can.”

He grinned and said, “Yes, and we will.”

I frowned and said, “What about your Mother and my Father? If we have children, they’ll never leave us alone.”

Maverick shrugged, “They’ll have to. We won’t let them get near our children. That’s why I want to live in the human world. I love my Mother, but sometimes I feel like she loves me like a pet rather than a son. She might even try to kidnap our child, despite the fact it would hurt me and you, so she could have a new plaything to pretend to love.”

I said, “My Father is the same way. You’re right. We’ll have to live in the human world, maybe even in a large city, somewhere where the fey can’t reach us, especially not our parents.”

Maverick muttered, “Neither of us have parents that really cared about us, did we? Even though my human Father loved me, I think sometimes he resented me because it meant he spent less time with my Mother. I never experienced real love until I met you.”

I held him close to me and whispered, “I know how you feel, Maverick. I never did either. My Mother loved me in her own way, but I’d sometimes catch a look from her, like she could see my Father in me, and she was so bitter…”

Maverick said, “Just two more seasons, Aisling. Two more and we’ll be free. We’ll be married, we’ll have children, and our children will know what it’s like to be loved by their parents.”

I said, “And we’ll live happily for the rest of our days. It sounds too good to be true.”

Maverick said, “But it can be true.”

I said, “If it wasn’t for you, Maverick, I wouldn’t have made it this far. My heart is only still good because there’s a reason for it now. I hate to admit this, but during those ceremonies this spring and summer, I was more tempted than ever before.”

Maverick said, “I know, Love. I was listening to you while you were meditating to get rid of the power. You asked it if you could use it at any time. It was telling you to hold onto it, wasn’t it?”

I said, “Yes, it wanted me to use it to kill Dugald. It read my mind somehow. I didn’t tell it about you, but somehow that entity knew that I planned to escape and that I was hiding something else. The voice told me to use the energy to fight Dugald that night, but somehow I resisted.”

Maverick said, “You did the right thing. No good can come from that power.”

I said, “But it was so tempting. It’s getting harder and harder to bleed it away. I don’t know if I can resist next time, especially if my hand is holding the knife...”

Maverick said, “If it looks like you’re going to succumb, next time I’ll interfere. I don’t care if it knows my name or not. I will protect you.”

I said, “I love you so much, Maverick. I would do anything to live the rest of my life with you.”

Maverick said, “I love you too, and you know that I would do the same for you, but no matter what happens, never lose sight of who you are for me. I love you for who you are.”

I said, “I’ll try. I don’t like the way you said, ‘no matter what happens,’ though.”

He said, “Only two more seasons, but we still need to be careful not to grow careless. Still, you’re right, I don’t need to be bringing us back down. I was helping you imagine freedom again. Can you see it now?”

I said, “Of course I can. He’s standing in front of me.”

We made love the rest of the night. The illusion on the walls faded, but I didn’t care. I could almost still see them. I felt more hope than I ever had before. Suddenly, I had a dream for my future, whether the Magi accepted me or not. I was engaged to my true love and I could imagine us living together and starting over. I could almost see our children as well. We would be good parents to them, and they wouldn’t know the pain that both of us had been through. I cried tears of joy later in the evening after I thought Maverick was asleep, but then I felt him holding me close.

He whispered, “I know. I’ve never been this happy either.”

I wonder now if I’ll ever be that happy again. If I can’t be with Maverick, does the outcome of my trial really matter? Maverick would want me to live on, wherever he is, but I wonder if I have the strength to actually do it. Still, there is one thing that is keeping me going. As Dugald put it, it’s the one thing that motivates me to renew my own life, and in my case it’s the hope that somewhere Maverick is still alive and waiting for me. Even if he was detained and can’t leave Arcadia to come to me, that just means one day I’ll have to go to him, whether it means facing my Father or not.

21

Nothing could’ve prepared me for my initiation into the cult. Even now, thinking about it makes me shiver uncontrollably, but currently I don’t have Maverick here to hold me. As with most things that we dread, it seemed that the time before my initiation flew by, and the sword of Damocles hovered closer to me day by day. I wanted to stop time, I felt as though I was shoving with all of my might against an immovable wall, a wall that was sliding along a railing, inching towards the spikes on the opposite wall in front of me, and all I could do was flinch. I wasted the few weeks I had left before the ceremony searching for any possible way to get out of it. I even did research about stopping time, and the magic isn’t sound.

Maverick could see the dread in my eyes, and as always he did what he could to cheer me up, but I could tell he was dreading it almost as much as I was. I almost sent him to find out who it was that I would have to kill, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. What good would it do? What if Dugald wanted me to kill a baby? Would knowing that ahead of time allow me to do anything to stop it? Still, I figured it wouldn’t be a baby. Whoever it was had been in the dungeon for weeks, and under those conditions a baby wouldn’t survive that long. But, either way, my hands were tied. I knew that typically pleading with Dugald didn’t matter when he set his mind to something this important, and even if I could convince him to spare the victim, that would mean they would probably just die of starvation in the dungeon. And, if I took care of whoever it was, he would hold it over my head like he did with my lamb, and I would have to watch that person suffer until I decided to kill them anyway.

On the day of the initiation, I saw a note next to a new pair of ceremonial robes on the foot of my bed. Maverick was perched on the top of my wardrobe. We had made love the night before, and usually he was still lying next to me in human form when I awoke. I guessed that he probably was trying not to irritate Dugald since whatever Dugald had in store for me was probably going to put me through a sort of living Hell. Maverick had his head tucked under his wing as though he was asleep, but I knew that he didn’t even want to look at me. There were no words of comfort that could change what I was resolved to do, or that could in any way make up for it.

The note read, “Aisling, today is the big day when you become a full member of our cult. Bathe ceremonially and pull your hair back. Some make-up would be appropriate as well. Wear the new robe I’ve provided for you and wear it with pride. I also gave you a ceremonial executioner’s mask if you don’t wish the victim to see your face. I’ll see you at the witching hour. Happy birthday.”

I muttered, “Happy birthday to me, indeed.”

The cultist robe was similar to my apprentice robe, but it was made of finer black silk and trimmed with red and gold thread. The trim was ornate and beautiful, but just looking at it sickened me. I had seen these robes on the other cultists, and the only times I had seen the other cultists were under the worst circumstances. Instead of Dugald’s symbol, there wasn’t anything on the back, and I knew why. I was to create my own symbol to sew it onto the robe myself. There was a small box wrapped in brown paper next to it. I opened this “birthday present” and sure enough, there was a sewing kit with plenty of gold and red thread, along with some rich oranges and yellows and many other colors. It seemed Dugald was allowing me to make my symbol whatever color I desired as well. That was considered an honor among those initiated in the cult. That was also probably part of my birthday present.

The executioner’s mask actually scared me. I expected it to be a black silk hood with slits cut into it to look through. While the mask was attached to a black silk hood, the mask itself was metal coated with gold with empty eyes and a carved mouth set into a sickening grin. It was almost like a masquerade mask depicting a lunatic. Most of those who executed the victim in the seasonal ceremonies didn’t wear a mask. Despite the disturbing countenance on the mask, I knew that Dugald was trying to do me a courtesy. That way, if I began to cry or showed any sort of weak emotion, none of the other cultists would see it, and the victim probably wouldn’t try to plead with me since the face on the mask was psychotic, as though the victim was looking into a face that was without mercy, staring into the eyes of their doom. I wasn’t going to do that to the victim. I wouldn’t wear that mask.

I ceremonially bathed for hours. I found myself muttering, “I can’t do this,” but despite that fact I knew that I was going to go through with the ceremony very soon. I put on make-up and pulled my hair back, and the expression on my face was totally bland. Maverick stayed away from me. I saw him watching me in raven form, hopping around nervously, but he didn’t bother to say anything. He had never seen me hiding my emotions, and I could tell that it really bothered him.

I finally said, “This is a side of me you won’t see often. I’ve practiced hiding my emotions for years. Tonight is the night I get to really test myself to make sure no one knows what I’m thinking. Wish me luck.”

He muttered in a bitter tone, “Good luck.”

I whirled on him and asked, “Maverick, what would you have me do? I feel bad enough without you moping around and acting like I’m some sort of monster!”

Maverick stammered, “I know. I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say to you. There’s nothing I can do or say to make this better. I wish I could. I hate feeling this helpless.”

I began to cry and said, “So do I.”

I walked over to him and he changed back into a human and held me close. I wept into his chest while he stroked my hair. It was only an hour before the ceremony. As soon as I composed myself again my face became a sort of mask in and of itself. I washed my face again and reapplied my make-up. By the time I was finished, it was time to go into the chamber.

No one was escorting me this time. The entire room was lit up with an orange light. I wasn’t sure if that was to emphasize a certain emotion, or to compliment the color of my eyes. The other cultists were standing in a circle and chanting. Dugald was silent and stoic and I have to admit he looked very attractive, as though he had made himself up for the evening as well. He was standing on the side of the victim where I usually stood, and was holding the ceremonial dagger, a Kris, out to me. Then, my eyes fell on the victim. I almost stopped in my tracks.

The victim was a boy that looked to be only ten years old. He had sandy blond hair and bright blue eyes, and he was staring into space in a catatonic state. His body was so bruised and broken that it was a pitiful tapestry of blue, purple, green, and yellow. I could hardly determine his skin color except for his unmarred face. His face looked almost exactly like Banan’s. Dugald had gone to the trouble of finding a boy that looked exactly like Banan just for me. I felt my face change into a cold scowl. What delightfully horrible irony. At that moment, I wanted to turn on Dugald and stab him with the dagger instead of the boy, but I smoothed my features back into a mask and stepped forward.

I had to remember that the child in front of me wasn’t Banan, and he was suffering far worse than any other prisoner I had ever seen. I couldn’t imagine what they had done to him from the abrasions and lacerations on his skin, and I didn’t want to know. For a moment, I contemplated turning the dagger on myself for allowing them to do it. I knew then that I should’ve found out from the start what they had in store for me so that somehow I could counteract it. If I could’ve eased the child’s suffering in any way it would’ve been worth any punishment Dugald could throw at me, but it was too late now. I considered healing him. I could easily lesson the damage to his body, but the damage to his mind I could never undo.

I held the dagger over the boy, and for a brief moment his eyes met mine.

He said only two words to me.

He said, “Kill me.”

I obliged him. I can’t even describe how I did it, I just did. I plunged the knife into his chest, right into his heart. He gasped in surprise only for a moment, coughed up some blood and died quickly. My mind wasn’t there at that moment, as with most of the horrors I endured and inflicted, my mind was protecting me from thinking of what I was doing, small favors…

However, I was shaken from my own state of catatonia by the power that flew into my body. It wasn’t a subtle shiver running through me like it was when I was an observer of the ceremony. It caused me to shake as though I as having a seizure, and orgasm as though I was having sex. I screamed, laughed, and cried at the same time. I felt as though electricity was coursing through me and that if I didn’t do something with it I would simply explode. The voice was no longer a quiet temptation, but a loud booming thing that commanded my attention and it was laughing as well. I was laughing in time with it.

It said, “Don’t you see now? Can’t you feel it? My power combined with your own could kill anyone in this room. Pick someone, strike them down!”

I looked around the room and seriously considered it. Accalon was there, the person that I hated the most. Also there was the fey that had tricked the woman in the first ceremony I attended. And, then, of course, there was Dugald. If I unleashed that power onto him, it might be enough to kill him outright, and if I did that, I would be the one in charge of the cult. Perhaps I could even disband it, or perhaps there would be enough power left over that I could just kill them all.

I asked the voice, and it said, “Yes, we could kill them all, or you could take charge of it and bend it to your will.”

I wondered if this is what every one of the cultists went through when they were initiated. Did the power tell them to strike someone down? Was it some sort of test? If I did as the power commanded, would the others turn against me? What about my cursed sigil? Would it hurt me? At the moment, I realized I didn’t care. I turned to face Dugald, but upon looking at him, I couldn’t kill him. I’m ashamed to say, somewhere, deep down, I must’ve cared about him. Despite all the hell he put me through; I lifted my hand, and couldn’t muster the will to end his life. So, I turned my attention to Accalon.

Accalon’s eyes were rolled back into his head. He was thoroughly enjoying the shiver of energy from the ceremony and wasn’t paying any attention to what was going on around him. Either he was back from finding another place for us to live, or he had returned simply to take part in the ceremony. Either way, at the time, all I cared about was the fact he was there and the fact that I hated him.

The voice said, “Yes, the perfect target. Strike him, make him feel the pain he inflicts upon others…”

I pointed at Accalon and ended my silent chant with a whispered word, “Agony.”

Accalon screamed, and I screamed with him. The mark on my chest burned with a fire that threatened to stop my heart entirely, but as I clutched at it in pain, suddenly it was as though I could hardly feel it anymore. The power was suppressing the pain. I looked at my hands and saw that my body was burning with its own inner darkness. It was as though my body sucked the light away from the room into black flames surrounding me, outlined only with a dim shimmering gray light. All of the other cultists began to cower. I couldn’t hear their words over Accalon’s incessant screaming. I grabbed the Kris and stalked towards him, ready to end his life.

The voice said, “Yes, make him a sacrifice. Drag him to the altar. I’ll lend you the strength…”

But, just as I went to grab him, I felt someone grab me from behind. I turned and glared at Dugald. I felt as though my teeth were turning into fangs, and I actually hissed at him and snarled like a caged beast.

He stared into my eyes and said in an urgent whisper, “Aisling, drop your dagger.”

For once, I didn’t do what Dugald commanded. I tried to pull my eyes away from his, but found I couldn’t. Still, despite the fact that he held my eyes, the dagger stayed in my hand. I felt a wide grin forming on my face at the knowledge that for once Dugald couldn’t command me to do anything.

He said, “The magic is strong in you. You’re chaotic nature is feeding it. I envy you slightly, but you need to take control. If you give in to its whims now, it’ll control you forever, like my demon sometimes controls me.”

That gave me pause.

The voice inside of my head said, “No. Don’t listen to him. You are in control now, are you not? I only wish to serve you. I’m not a parasite, I’m a partner.”

I nearly screamed. I was so close to losing control, and I couldn’t believe that of all people it took Dugald to straighten me out. Suddenly, I remembered Maverick, and the voice in my mind unfortunately heard his name.

The voice asked, “Maverick? Who is he? I heard your mind say he is your true love. Your familiar cannot be your true love. What are you been hiding from me?”

I snarled aloud, “None of your business. Now, get out of my body!”

I released Accalon from the spell. He curled up on the ground, crying like a child. The other fey were still crowded in the corner of the room, staring in disbelief.

Dugald let go of one of my arms and took the other holding the bloody dagger and thrust it up in the air, saying, “Aisling has sacrificed her first victim to the Dark One, and she has obeyed his first request of her. She is now a full member of our cult. Drink the blood of her victim and take some of the power for yourselves. I must instruct our newest member on the ways to control our Master’s energy. Praise the Dark One!”

They all chanted, “Praise the Dark One.”

And then, Dugald gently took the Kris from me and led me upstairs. He had an odd expression on his face. It seemed to be a combination of surprise mingled with fury. I didn’t like it at all. It reminded me of the face he made when I was late for dinner before the monster overcame him completely. Still, I couldn’t think of a reason why he would be furious with me. I went through with the sacrifice. Still, as quickly as the look was there, it was gone again when we reached the main hall. It made me wonder if I had imagined the whole thing.

He turned and said with a grin, “Congratulations, Aisling. You’re finished with your initiation, and you’ve used the power for the first time. How did it feel?”

I looked at the ground. I didn’t want to tell him how it felt. It felt immensely satisfying and more natural than I thought possible. I felt myself smiling, thinking of Accalon writhing in pain on the ground. The dark energy had clearly made my spell more powerful. Still, I pictured the child I killed in my mind and shivered in fury.

I snapped, “How did it feel? You made me murder a child that looked exactly like Banan. Did you think that was funny or ironic? Or maybe, being you, you thought it was oddly poetic. Or, maybe you were just trying to find another way to hurt me.”

Dugald frowned and said, “I had to find the perfect sacrifice to prove your loyalty to me and the cult. You passed the initiation.”

I muttered, “I’m so glad to hear it.”

Dugald snapped, “Why are you spewing venom at me now? You were the one who killed him. You could’ve refused, but you didn’t. You know that deep down this is what you wanted.”

I said, “No, it isn’t.”

Dugald asked, “Then what do you want, Aisling? I’ve given you the freedom you so desperately wanted and you’re still not satisfied. You seem different lately. What are you hiding?”

His words echoed the ones of the voice. What are you hiding from me? I should’ve picked up on it then, but I didn’t. I would find out all too late there was a reason for that.

I said, “I’m hiding nothing. If you’ll excuse me, I have more power left, unfortunately.”

I began to walk away and Dugald said, “I know you enjoyed using the power, and I think I know what our Master wanted you to do. Still, indulge me. What did the voice ask you to do?”

I said, “It asked me to kill a member of the cult. I chose Accalon for obvious reasons.”

Dugald said, “It didn’t want you to kill a member of the cult, it wanted you to kill me. You turned and pointed at me before you turned to him. Why didn’t you do it?”

I said, “I didn’t believe it would work.”

He smiled and said, “Liar.”

I snapped, “Don’t be flattered. I should’ve done it. I wanted to after I saw the sacrifice you had in store for me. Still, thank you. You stopped me from losing control.”

Dugald said, “Kind of you to thank me, but you were never in danger of losing control.”

I said, “I did. I used the power.”

Dugald said, “But you didn’t kill Accalon. You caused him a great deal of pain, but you spared his life. That was very you. You’re learning to use and control the power, Aisling. It’ll become easier for you to wield it now. You are one of us.”

I said, “I’ll never be one of you.”

Dugald said, “You’ve already begun.”

Dugald glanced at the ceiling for a moment and frowned. Maverick was above us, perched in the rafters, watching. I couldn’t even look at him. I felt totally ashamed of myself. For a moment, when the power overcame me, I forgot about him entirely. I imagined myself taking over the cult and he wasn’t even on my mind in the slightest. It was as though when I used the power, I was riding the wave of pleasure in my body and nothing else mattered. He would know how tempted I was, and how close I came to betraying all of our dreams. I realized then that I didn’t deserve his love. I didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone.

I said, “Excuse me, Master. With your permission I’m returning to my room.”

Dugald said, “Yes, it seems your familiar is missing you.”

As soon as I returned to my room, Maverick changed back into human form and held me. I pushed him off, unable to bear his kindness.

I stammered, “Stay back. My blood is still unclean.”

He frowned with disappointment but then nodded and sat on my bed. Meanwhile, I sat on the floor and began to bleed off the excess dark energy. My mind was bombarded by more questions from the voice. The voice was asking me more and more about Maverick, but I somehow managed to keep my mind focused on the task at hand. When I ignored it, it tried a different strategy by bringing up what happened to Accalon, tempting me to smile and laugh at his fate, but I managed to somehow keep my mind stoic and withdrawn. The voice then began to beg for me to store the rest of the power, saying that I could still use it against Dugald if I was ready. That was the only thing that tempted me. If I saved the power, just for a few more months, I would be able to use it against Dugald. And, if what happened to Accalon was any indication, using the power might just tip the scales in my favor.

I must’ve been talking aloud, because suddenly I felt Maverick wrapping his arms around me.

Maverick whispered, “Bleed it off, Love. You don’t need his power to escape. I’ll be there to help you.”

The voice practically shouted, “Keep your pet out of this.”

Maverick continued, “This power is nothing but an opiate. The more you use it, the more addicted you become. You aren’t yourself when you use the power, and you don’t need it.”

I muttered, “You’re right. I don’t need it. I’m going to meditate until every scrap of it is gone.”

It took hours. It was as though the magic was clinging to every part of me, sticking to my skin like tar. Still, I went from one area of my being to the next, as though I was ceremonially bathing from the inside out. Eventually, the voice was so faint I couldn’t understand it, and eventually the voice was entirely gone. I didn’t stop meditating until I was absolutely sure it was finished, and then I turned to speak to Maverick.

He was reclining on the bed, watching me. I expected an accusation from his eyes, but what I got was an expression of sorrow and pity instead. Somehow, that expression was worse.

I muttered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He said, “You did what you had to do. I saw the whole thing.”

I said, “I lost control. And when I lost control, it was like that voice took over. Maverick, I didn’t even remember you. I could’ve ruined everything…”

He said, “But you didn’t. Dugald was right about one thing. You didn’t kill Accalon when you had the chance. Your aversion of killing showed through even when you were under the influence of the dark magic and you didn’t have anything to lose.”

I said, “You don’t know what I was thinking, what I was feeling. I wanted to use it, Maverick. I wanted it. Having that power felt so good. I’m missing it even now.”

Maverick got up and wrapped his arms around me, and I wept bitterly. Every guilty feeling seemed to pile onto my back, threatening to suffocate me. Now that I finally admitted to myself that I loved the way the power felt, I could see the boy strapped to the altar again. After his sacrifice, bleeding away the power seemed almost wasteful. It would’ve been so easy to keep the power locked away until I needed it, so why did I insist on always being the black sheep of the cult? My life would be so much easier if I just accepted what I was and used it. Why? But then, I looked into Maverick’s eyes. I would lose everything if I stayed in the cult. Maverick wouldn’t love me, I wouldn’t be who I wished to be, and one day the Magi would hunt me down.

Maverick whispered, “Only a few more months. Hold on for that long, and both of us will leave here together. I believe they’ll probably do the body changing ceremony during the winter solstice. Can you make it that long?”

I stammered, “I’ll try.”

22

My dreams are still haunted by that sacrifice. Even now, I don’t know how it was so easy for me to kill that child. I think it was because he wanted me to do it. After all, by the time I reached him death really was a release, but that doesn’t change what I did. It also doesn’t change the fact that I almost allowed the monstrous side of my mind to take control. The month after the ceremony I was mostly in a daze. And, Dugald started acting strangely towards me once again.

I didn’t understand it at all. He wasn’t acting jealous, but he would try to avoid me in the hallways. While I was researching or relaxing, I often caught him watching me from a shady spot in the hallway or lurking in the door. When he noticed that I caught him, he would either simply walk away or stalk away as though he was angry. Still, he never approached me. At dinner, he was mostly silent, though he would make comments about my studies or would ask me about how I felt about being a full member of the cult. It seemed as though he was going through the motions of talking to me. I began to wonder if he was unhappy that I was a full member now and that he had less control of me, but I knew it had to be deeper than that. Dugald was too complex for me to feel comfortable attributing his feelings to something as common as lack of control.

Still, that wasn’t what concerned me the most. What concerned me was the way he looked at Maverick. Whenever Maverick was in the room, Dugald would stare at him as though he hated him with a passion. Even when Dugald was jealous of him, he never stared at him the way he did now. He was clearly suspicious, and that made me very uncomfortable. It was getting to Maverick too. He would often ask me at night if I thought that Dugald had finally caught on, but I couldn’t think of any reason why he suddenly would know. And, if Dugald knew what Maverick really was, I had the feeling that he would kill him on sight.

I decided that no, Duglad couldn’t know what Maverick really was, but he was finally suspecting that he wasn’t a normal familiar. That also meant it was only a matter of time. The winter solstice was only a few weeks away. I had to make sure that Dugald didn’t discover that Maverick was a spy between now and then. So, I spent those weeks keeping Maverick well within my sight no matter what I was doing. At night, he was a human holding me close. During the day he was a raven perched on my shoulder. We took turns keeping watch at night so that if Dugald decided to pay an unexpected visit to my room, at least one of us would be awake to alert the other one.

However, the day before the winter solstice, something happened that I didn’t expect. Dugald approached me with some work to do.

Dugald said, “I know I promised you could go at your own pace, Aisling, but this is ridiculous. For the past month you’ve been listing, and now it’s as though all you do is spend time with your pet bird. You’re better than that, so today I’m going to have you do some research for me.”

I said, “I thought you wouldn’t order me around anymore.”

Dugald snapped, “I’m still the head of this order and you’re still just a normal member. And, you’re the only one not doing anything at the moment. Name one thing you’ve done in the last month.”

Sadly, I couldn’t. I really had been spending the last two months preparing to escape and protecting Maverick.

I looked at the floor and said, “I’m sorry. I just can’t accept what I did. That child looked so much like Banan…”

Dugald said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but I know that has very little to do with it. There’s no such thing as an inactive member here. It’s nearly time for my most important ceremony and I need your help. Can I count on you, or are you going to be the next sacrifice on the altar?”

I said, “When you put it that way…”

Dugald said, “Seriously, Aisling. The others are starting to talk about you. They say I was wrong about you being ready to be one of us. You’re making me look incompetent.”

I said, “I apologize. That was not my intention. Very well, Master, what do you want me to research?”

He said, “Follow me.”

I followed Dugald into the library. There was a stack of books and papers on the desk that threatened to topple over into an avalanche.

He said, “These are stolen records of the Hermetic Magi, mostly involving ‘Wizard Marches.’ They describe the tactics that their order uses to find different locations, spells concerning finding rogue wizards, etc. What I need you to do is sift through this pile of books and records and write the names and information about any of the wizards that have escaped and how they did so. Summarize and catalogue that information. I don’t care if it takes you all night.”

I said, “Yes, Master. Might I enquire why you want this information?”

He said, “The Magi are after us. I believe they’re closing in. I also want you to lend your bird to the cause.”

I put a protective hand on Maverick and said, “What do you mean?”

Dugald said, “I want him to fly around the countryside and make sure there are no suspicious campsites close by. Even if he finds nothing, I want him to patrol the area the rest of the day. Nothing can go wrong with the ceremony tomorrow, and I won’t take any chances.”

I said, “No. I won’t risk something happening to him.”

Dugald took a threatening step forward and said, “If he is so useless that he can’t even fly around our home and look like an inconspicuous bird for one day, something will happen to him.”

My hands balled up into fists but I muttered, “Yes, Master.”

Dugald said, “Good, we understand each other. I want both of you finished by morning. You can catch up on your sleep the rest of the day. Your bird may stay with you for another hour, but after that I want him in the air.”

With that, he left. Maverick was perched on my shoulder, glancing at the huge pile of work in front of me.

He leaned over and said in my ear, “I don’t like this at all. Why would he suddenly ask you to do this research so close to the day of the ceremony? I thought that Accalon and the others were looking into that. He should know this by now.”

I frowned and said, “You’re right. It’s almost like he’s asking me to do busy work and now he’s sending you off to do something dangerous and time consuming. I’ll bet he wants to make us too tired to watch for him this evening. I don’t know why, though.”

Maverick said, “He must know.”

I said, “He might. He either knows that you’re a spy, or he knows we’re planning to run. Still, we have to play along for now. I say we do what he says, but we stay awake at all costs this evening.”

Maverick sighed and said, “I suppose that’s all we can do. I don’t like the thought of us trying to escape without a good night’s sleep, though.”

I said, “Nor I, but I think when it comes time to escape, sleep will be the last thing on our minds.”

He said, “Very true. No matter what happens today or tomorrow, remember that I love you.”

I said, “I will, and I want you to know that I love you too. But please, don’t talk like that, like we’re going to fail.”

He said, “I’m sure we won’t, but I want you to know my love for you no matter what happens. This is true love, and just experiencing that for even a short time is better than never experiencing it at all.”

Maverick turned back into a human and we exchanged a long kiss goodbye. Then, he turned back into raven form and flew in the direction of the greenhouse, leaving make his patrol. It was the longest day of my life. Not only was the work incredibly grueling and boring, but all I could think about was whether or not Maverick was safe. The entire thing felt like a trap, and even though I couldn’t tell if Dugald was lying about needing the information, the timing was very strange. Normally, for something as important as defending his lair, he would have started my research earlier in the week. It was the first time in a long time that I would be working all night long, and the first time Dugald had ever ordered me to do so.

I worked until my eyes began to feel the strain and I began to nod off, nearly falling out of my seat. Finally, I was binding my notes together in the form of a book just as Maverick flew into the room and landed on my shoulder. From the erratic way he shifted I could tell he was even more exhausted than I was.

I said, “Oh, thank God you’re back! Did you find anything?”

Maverick said, “You won’t believe this, but I did.”

I stammered, “You did?”

He nodded, “I already told Dugald about it. There’s a campsite of Magi only about a day away from here. They are closing in.”

I asked, “Why did you tell him?”

Maverick said, “Why do you think? If they catch you here they’ll kill you as readily as they’ll kill him. He seemed surprised. I don’t think he expected me to find anything, much less for me to tell him if I did.”

I asked, “So does that mean we’re leaving tonight?”

Maverick said, “No. He thinks he can still pull off the ceremony in time. Still, he plans to leave directly after that.”

I said, “So, that means we definitely have to leave tomorrow during his ceremony as we planned. This could work out in our favor. If I can intercept the Magi in time, I can lead them here.”

He nodded, “Yes, and your cooperation, especially if it means they actually catch Dugald, could tip the scales in your favor.”

I said, “I was so scared. I thought you weren’t going to come back.”

Maverick said, “I know the feeling. I didn’t want to tell Dugald about what I found, but somehow I managed to put my own well being aside when I realized how bad it could be for all of us to be seen here by the Magi.”

I frowned and said, “Maverick, you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I really don’t want to lead them here.”

Maverick said, “I know. You care about Dugald, despite what he’s done to you.”

I asked, “Is that strange?”

He said, “No. You’ve known him for most of your life, but I’m afraid that you have to. The Magi won’t trust you any other way.”

I sighed and said, “I know.”

Maverick and I retired to the bedroom. It was already late in the morning. That meant we wouldn’t have long to sleep before we would have to try to make our escape. I knew we would only be able to get four hours of sleep if we were lucky. The ceremony was supposed to start when the sun started going down and there was still a great deal I still needed to do to prepare.

I packed a bag of my favorite belongings and some bland clothing and hid it beneath my bed. Then, I silently recited the spells that I hoped I wouldn’t need. Thankfully, it seemed I knew them all by heart. After some brief meditation to calm my nerves, we started taking turns, sleeping for one hour increments and then waking each other up so that we could get enough alternated sleep. I slept with my head in Maverick’s lap, and when it was his turn he slept with his head in mine. We stroked each other’s hair and concentrated on protecting each other.

It was on my second shift that I realized Dugald’s plan far too late. I was exhausted, and the interrupted sleep made me feel even more tired than I was when I first started out. I heard Dugald emerge from his room. He began to sing. His voice was more beautiful than ever before this evening, reminding me of a shimmering cascade of starlight given voice, and as I listened, I felt myself beginning to nod off. The melody made me remember dreams that I thought I had forgotten. I could remember strange abstract thoughts far more readily than rational ones.

Still, I shook it off just long enough to realize the song was entrancing me into a heavy slumber. We were right. Dugald was trying to make us lose sleep, trying to keep us awake all night so that we would be powerless to stop him from drugging us with his song. He never needed me to catalogue the cases in those documents; it really was just busy work. Dugald also never expected Maverick to find anything, even though he had. I quickly shook Maverick. He opened his eyes.

I stammered, “The song, don’t listen…”

I was too late. Maverick yawned and slowly his eyes closed. I felt my eyes closing as well. I tried to keep them open, but the lids of my eyes felt like lead curtains, too heavy to keep open without prying them apart with my fingers. Still, I saw something that nearly stopped my heart with fear before my eyes shut in an enchanted sleep. I saw Dugald opening my door, grinning from ear to ear. My eyes kept closing and opening again, showing me the horrifying truth in increments as though it was lit with flashes of lighting. I had failed to protect Maverick. Dugald approached the bed and grabbed Maverick by his feet, pulling him out of the bed and dragging him out of the room. I tried to scream, tried to beg him to stop, but all that happened was my tongue lolled lazily out of my mouth, and my eyes finally shut.

I screamed when I felt Dugald pulling me up from my bed by my hair, as though he was pulling a carrot out of the ground by its stem.

Dugald snarled, “Get up you wretched girl!”

I stumbled out of bed, following the direction that my hair was being pulled.

He continued, “Where did you get the gall to try to do this to me? You hid a spy of the Winter Court. You were planning to run away with him and lead the Magi to my lair. I should kill you where you stand, you traitor.”

I didn’t bother to beg for mercy or to deny his accusations.

Instead I asked, “What did you do with Maverick?”

Dugald hit me hard across the face.

Blood dribbled from my cracked lip, but I repeated my question, “Where is he? Pray to whatever god you worship that he’s still alive.”

Dugald began to laugh, “You’re hardly in the position to threaten me, Girl. Don’t worry. I’m taking you to your precious lover right now.”

He continued to pull on my hair, but I was careful to keep pace with him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was hurting me. He was leading me towards the sacrificial chamber. My head was still groggy with the spell he had cast on me, but I knew what I would see in there. He was going to use Maverick in the body transfer ceremony, and now he was going to try to get me to help him with it. He wanted me to be the one to kill Maverick, the way I had killed my lamb.

I stammered, “No.”

Dugald said, “Yes. I’m going to make you participate in the ceremony. I guess I should be thanking you. I wanted my body to be more acclimated to Winter Court magic over Summer Court, and that fey boy is a fine specimen. I’ve always valued shape-shifting abilities.”

I snarled, “If you harm one hair on his head…”

Dugald punch me in the stomach. Blood trickled from my mouth as I doubled over in pain, but I still stared defiantly into his eyes.

He simply continued, “Maybe you’ll be more attracted to me when I look like your lover, or maybe next time you won’t have a choice. You are in for a world of pain, but I don’t have time to punish you right now, so this will have to be punishment enough.”

I shouted, “I won’t do it.”

He hit me squarely in the jaw. The blow brought a few tears to my eyes, but I didn’t cry. I just glared even harder at him.

I said, “I can’t believe you would do this to me, after what you told me about your own Master, don’t you see that you’re being just like him?”

He paused and said, “I am nothing like him.”

His voice was gravelly, and as he glanced at me, I noticed his eyes were red. The demon was taking control. It was enough to make my voice stick in my throat.

He muttered, “Yes, that’s right, show the proper respect…”

I looked at the floor. My heart was fluttering as a trapped bird as Dugald released my hair and opened the door to the chamber.

Maverick was lying helpless on the altar. His hands and feet were bound, but he looked like he was in too much pain to move. His face wasn’t marred but the rest of his naked body was bruised and bleeding. His bruises were purple and blue under his white almost transparent skin. His eyes were also still bloodshot and he looked as though he was still under the effects of the sleeping draught. His eyes grew wide as he saw me trailing behind Dugald.

Maverick yelled, “Aisling, run! Forget about me.”

I said, “You know I can’t do that.”

Dugald turned to me and said, “Yes, she won’t be running. She’ll be performing the ceremony.”

Dugald grabbed me by the hair and pulled my face inches away from his strange red eyes until I had no choice but to glance into them. Then, I felt a familiar power pulling at my senses, trying to control me like a puppet on strings.

Dugald said, “Take the dagger, Aisling.”

I took the dagger from his hand.

He said, “Cut his wrists. Not to worry, I’ll heal the wound, once I possess him, but he needs to die first. Make sure all of his blood fills the basin.”

I noticed Dugald already looked pale, as though he was dying even while he was simply standing there. His feet were in a circle within a large sigil drawn into the floor, stuck on a point where clearly he needed to stay in order to complete the ceremony. Even though I was still staring into his eyes, I no longer felt the power pulling at my feet or my hands. I also no longer felt him taking control of my will. I realized then that I was right, Maverick really was my true love and no magic that Dugald could cast could force me to hurt him at all—but Dugald didn’t know that.

I walked, trancelike in Maverick’s direction. I held the knife in front of me and allowed myself to shed a few tears. Maverick cringed and closed his eyes.

I cut the ropes binding his wrists together, and then spun as quickly as I could to get the ones tied to his feet.

Dugald stammered, “Impossible…”

I wheeled around and chanted, casting the curse on his tongue as quickly and efficiently as if I was born knowing the spell. The effects were about as dark and disgusting as I expected, but seeing Dugald suffering under my magic was immensely satisfying. His tongue swelled up and turned purple, and a large boil appeared on the end that burst into a bloody mess. He was clearly trying to counter my spell, but the moment his tongue began to inflate the incantation failed him, and I felt the magic in the air around me extinguish with his words.

I put an arm around Maverick, gingerly helping him up, and he said with a weak chuckle, “Yeah, I’m glad you didn’t try that out on me.”

Dugald stammered, “I’ll pfhilll chew broth.”

I took that to mean he would kill us both, but I couldn’t help but laugh a little since it sounded as though he was talking through a mouthful of rocks. He pulled a dagger from his boot and rushed from his circle, staring murderously at both of us, but I was already beginning my next incantation. As soon as I finished, the stones beneath his feet began to rumble and I heard a familiar shriek as black vines shot from the earth and wrapped themselves around Dugald’s feet and then his arms. After only a moment, they lifted him from the ground and he was hanging in front of me like a stuffed hunting trophy. I looked at my hands. They were outlined with a small glowing purple light, and yet they seemed to suck all light away from the area around them. I realized then that apparently I hadn’t drained away all of the evil power. Some of it remained, enough to magnify the effects of my spells. Dugald’s dagger hung limply from his hand. I took it from him.

I muttered, “I could kill you, right now.”

I put the edge of it against his throat, and he turned his eyes away from me, flinching. Even though my curse mark began to throb, killing Dugald would probably mean absolution in the eyes of the Magi, and since Dugald administered the mark, there was a very small chance his death would break the curse, though I doubted it.

Still, he did something I didn’t expect. A tear rolled from the corner of his eye. The expression on his face was that of a scared child, and at that moment I hated myself for threatening him. I know I should’ve killed him. I had every reason to do it. He was going to have me kill Maverick. Dugald was the man that beat me, raped me, and carved up my body, but I just couldn’t do it. He was also a man that loved me, and somehow he thought that everything he did for me was for my own good. I also at that moment remembered him healing me, spending magical essence to save my life. The way he looked at me when I held the knife against his throat was the way that Maverick had looked at me when I was stalking towards him with the dagger in my hands.

The look said soundlessly, “But I love you…not you, not like this.”

I stared at him and whispered, “A life, for a life. My debt to you is repaid. Don’t follow me.”

I put the knife into the belt of my robe, supported Maverick with my other arm, and muttered, “Let’s go.”

“MASTER,” Accalon shouted from the foot of the stairwell.

I muttered, “Close your eyes, Maverick.”

If it wasn’t for the fact that Accalon was completely caught off guard by Dugald’s helpless state, I probably would be dead right now. I had never seen such a horrified expression on his face before. As soon as he took in what I had done, he turned and stared at me with an expression that could’ve wilted a field of wildflowers, but I was already chanting, preparing for my next spell. In a few hurried words and gestures, I created a flash of brilliant red light that smelled faintly of sulfur, and Accalon screamed and threw his arm over his eyes.

I bolted up the stairs, pulling Maverick behind me. He was wincing in pain, but somehow he was keeping up with me all the same.

I heard Dugald say, “Cut me down.”

I didn’t have any time to waste. If Dugald could speak, he could cast, and as soon as he was free of the vines, Maverick was as good as dead and I was sure a much worse fate awaited me. I don’t know how I managed to somehow keep Maverick moving along with me. His body was flailing with the effort to keep up, but his eyes continued to drowse. I could still feel the effects of the sleeping spell as well, but I was too excited and scared to take too much notice.

The main chamber echoed with the sound of many footsteps. For once, I saw Dugald’s servants, tongue-less humans and strange shadow-like entities were rushing towards the sacrificial chamber. They scattered away from me like rats abandoning a ship. I realized then, that was exactly what they were doing. The Magi were on the way, and they were running to tell Dugald. I risked a quick trip back to my room, grabbed my bag, and used the chaos to my advantage as I made my way to the only exit I knew of, the cellar of the little house.

I knew I had very little time left, so instead of going out through the house’s kitchen, I risked the cellar door that locked on the outside. Thankfully, it was unlocked, probably used recently by one of the other operatives to get out so that they could fight the Magi. As I emerged, I heard the sound of horses and smelled smoke hanging thickly in the air. I had never experienced the sights and smells of battle, and it was terrifying. People were screaming, and I heard some familiar voices shrieking with rage. They were the voices of some of Dugald’s fey followers, but from the sound of things they weren’t faring well against the onslaught. I suddenly felt my confidence wavering, threatening to topple my resolve. If the Magi were already fighting the other followers, why would they spare me?

Maverick said in a whisper, “Change clothes, fast. Put on your peasant clothing. They might think that you were a potential sacrifice. At least, that way they probably won’t kill you on sight. That’ll buy you some time.”

I stammered, “They’ll know I’m a Maga just by the aura surrounding me.”

He said, “Yes, but they won’t know the extent that you were involved. Cower if you have to. Just make sure they know you aren’t hostile.”

I did as he said and changed clothes, also tossing him a pair of pants. But then, I heard the sound of scampering feet beneath me around the exit of the cellar. I quickly took a thick tree branch and shoved it across the doors to lock it, right as something slammed into it hard. I caught sight of a black muzzle and realized it was Dugald in wolf form.

I grabbed Maverick’s hand and started to run. We only got about twenty feet away, when he suddenly stopped running.

I said, “Come on! We have to go now.”

Maverick looked at the ground and said miserably, “I can’t. I barely made it out. I’ll slow you down too much…”

I heard the sound of the wood beginning to crack on the cellar door as Dugald slammed into it again.

I said, “I’m not leaving without you.”

Maverick reached out and held me for a moment, then kissed me passionately. Everything around me seemed to fade as I realized what he was about to do. I didn’t care about the sounds of Dugald slamming into the cellar doors, or the shouts of battle, or even the sound of the Magi screaming orders to one another over the chaos. Maverick was going to leave for Arcadia.

I said, “No, I can’t do this alone.”

Maverick said, “I promised I would return for you, and I will. They would have to rip out my heart to keep me away.”

I said, “I love you.”

He said, “I love you too.”

Maverick kissed me one last time, and a tear rolled down his cheek. It crystallized into ice before my eyes, and dropped to the ground. Then, he made a slicing motion in the air with his hand and a small hole seemed to rip in the air around him. He changed into a raven, flew into it and I saw him change back into human form on the other side. We were both weeping openly. Maverick reached through the portal again. I grabbed his outstretched hand, kissed it, and watched in horror as the opening became smaller and smaller until eventually he was forced to release my hand and was gone entirely.

I barely heard Accalon say, “For God’s sake, Dugald, allow me.”

A very sharp dagger slid through the hole between the doors and tore through the branch.

I grabbed the teardrop of ice and my small bag of belongings, and then ran as fast as my legs would take me. I heard the cellar doors splintering into pieces as the huge black wolf jumped through them. I could hear Dugald growling and the sound of teeth snapping together only inches away from my calves. I knew then how it must’ve felt then to be the prey, a deer scampering away from a pack of wolves as fast as its spindly legs could carry it. Terror clouded my thoughts and I ran for the first Magus I saw, screaming for help. The sound of my pursuer abruptly stopped. Dugald howled. It was a sound of pure frustration, and he began to run away. I wept and threw myself at the Magus’ feet. For an instant, I thought he was going to bring his sword down on my head, but he paused.

I stammered, “Thank God that you’re here. Please, let me help you stop him. There’s an entrance to his lair through the cellar. Please, follow me.”

Before I could move, I felt the earth shaking beneath my feet. I’ve never felt anything like the wave of pressure that seemed to emanate from the house. The Magus threw himself on me and protected me from the brunt of the blow with a shield of magical energy. Still, a sphere of darkness that had to have been at least a mile wide appeared around us for a moment and then was gone. With it, there was a putrid smell, like plants decaying in a vase of water combined with the smell of a bloated animal carcass. The Magus began to cough and I vomited on the dying grass. To my horror, everything around me and the Magus that was touched by the sphere decayed and died instantly.

The Magus cursed, “Shit, he’s escaped again.”

I said, “But he retreated back to his lair. You can probably still catch him.”

He said, “Not anymore. Still, some evidence might remain, Infernalist.”

He grabbed me, clamping shackles across my wrists.

I stammered, “But, I’m not an infernalist. I don’t even know the name of the thing they were getting power from.”

He slapped me, hard.

He muttered, “Never utter such things so close to this place. You never know what things are listening. You reek of infernal magic. We also know that Dugald had a half fey apprentice that was taken as a young girl. You fit her description pretty well.”

He rooted around in my bag of belongings and pulled out my cultist robe.

He snapped, “Tell me another one.”

I muttered, “I was that apprentice, but I swear I was telling the truth. I don’t know its name. I wanted to help you. I’ve been trying to escape for years…”

He said, “Don’t worry. You’ll have plenty of time to plead your case, when we’re prying into your mind. In the meantime, stay quiet and out of the way.”

He pulled me up by the shackles. Other Magi were starting to gather around us. They were all wearing long, flowing black robes and a few were wearing brown robes carrying long, sharp, swords. I could barely even look at them. They were looking at me with expressions of pure disdain, as though I was a decaying animal within the final stages of putrefaction. I’m sure some of them already thought of me in that way. Despite his harsh demeanor, I instinctively pulled a little closer to the Magus holding the shackles. He seemed fair in comparison to those condemning faces around me.

One of them asked, “Is this his apprentice?”

My captor nodded and said, “Yes. I caught her running from one of Dugald’s other cultists and his familiar. Still, she has the robe of a full cultist in her bag, though.”

I said, “The wolf wasn’t a familiar. It was Duglad himself.”

Another asked, “Is that true?”

My captor said, “We’ll have to sort out her story later. She claims that she’s been trying to escape for years and that she wants to help us. In the meantime, let’s continue the search.”

One of the others said, “If there’s no doubt, we should kill her now.”

I flinched.

My captor said, “I can still use her help in searching for evidence. We’ll decide her fate later.”

I was led back into the catacombs of Dugald’s lair. When I looked around, I was so confused I almost felt faint. Every hallway looked as though it had been abandoned for years. There was a layer of dust covering the floors. The ceilings were crumbling to dust and real sunlight was pouring through the cracks in halls that had never seen the light of day. The stain glass depicting scenes of sacrifice had also crumbled into nothing but faintly colored dust. I began to cry.

My captor asked, “Why are you crying? Is it really so distressing to see your home in ruin?”

I said, “No, the sunlight is so beautiful. It almost makes it look like a church.”

He said, “You don’t seem like an infernalist. Still, I’ve learned long ago how treacherous they can be. Well, if you want to prove yourself, you can tell me what each of these rooms used to be.”

I gave the Magus a tour. Still, every room was so desolate, I barely recognized them myself. The library had no books in it at all. Even the chairs were gone, though I could see ancient grooves in the floor where they used to sit. The moss that acted like a carpet was nothing but a dead dry husk on the dirt floor now.

When we got to my room, none of the furniture was there any longer. There was a spot on the wall that was cleaner than the rest where the painting used to hang, and sunlight was pouring in. I told the Magus accompanying me where everything used to be, and about the enchanted painting.

He muttered, “I’ve never heard of such a magic.”

I said, “Neither had I, until I saw it for myself. Dugald had many paintings like that in his room.”

The Magus muttered, “Take me there.”

Dugald’s room was the most decayed area in the entire building, as though he didn’t want to leave any evidence of his existence behind at all. The Magus took samples from the wall and floor, muttering to himself. I had to admit, other than just my word, there would be no way for him to tell if it was Dugald’s room from that of another cultist. Still, I described where everything was and after careful study, he seemed convinced I was telling the truth.

He looked deeply into my eyes for a moment until I felt uncomfortable and said, “Yes, I see you are telling the truth. I appreciate your honesty and will include this in my report to the others at your trial.”

I muttered, “My trial?”

He said, “Yes, you will be tried to determine if you are indeed an infernalist. If you are deemed not to be a danger you will join the Order of Hermes. If you are judged guilty, take comfort in the knowledge your death will be swift, and you’ll be given an opportunity to confess your sins.”

I felt as though my stomach dropped and my last meal threatened to pitch itself back up my throat again. If they were prying into my mind, they would know the horrible things that I did and the temptations I had faced. They would know I harnessed infernal magic by accident. I had a terrible feeling that to them that would be enough to condemn me.

I crumpled up into a ball and began to cry.

The Magus sighed and said, “Please, stop that. You haven’t been tried yet.”

I said, “I know, but I never wanted to be here. Please, understand, I did try to escape before, but he always caught me. This was the only time I knew he would be distracted enough that I could get away. All of those awful things I was forced to do—I don’t want it to be all for nothing. We couldn’t even stop him…”

The Magus said, “Well, take heart in the fact that one day we will.”

I nodded, but that didn’t make me feel any better. I imagined myself as a Maga, watching the death of Dugald, and it made me sick to my stomach. Somewhere, deep down, I wanted to believe he could change, that he could still be a good man, because if he was beyond some form of redemption, so was I.

One of the other Magi came into the room and said, “Quesitor Dillon, we’re heading out.”

He nodded and pulled me up, but far more gently than when we first met. Then, he led me out of my Master’s old sanctuary. The sunlight felt good, but I could hardly enjoy it. The sky was a spectacular red, as the last rays of the sun set around me. Somehow, it felt like a bad omen, as though this would be my last night alive.

23

Laying there with the shackles on my arms and feet made me think of the lamb, shackled to the altar. Still, even if I was a lamb being led to slaughter, I didn’t feel that there was very much to live for anyway. I could still feel Maverick’s cool lips on mine. I somehow managed to reach into the pocket of my peasant robe, fondling the small teardrop of ice. Oddly, the teardrop didn’t melt. I think that Maverick used the last bit of his strength to turn it into a non-melting ice crystal. It felt magical, as though it was imbued with magical essence. I silently vowed that if I survived I would never use that stored energy, unless I could somehow use it to find him again. I turned over and looked up at the stars. It made me wonder if the stars were the same in Arcadia, if there was anything linking me to him anymore. I began to cry, but I made sure that my sobs were silent. The Magi around me, thankfully, didn’t notice.

I occasionally heard them whispering in hushed tones and pointing in my direction. Some of them looked at me with pity, but others just jeered when the saw me watching them. I didn’t care. I was free from Dugald, but I had lost my most precious treasure. I found I didn’t care where they were taking me. They could’ve thrown me in the freezing river and I think that my mind was already so numb, that I wouldn’t feel a thing. Slowly, as I stared up above me at the stars, trying not to think of anything, I felt myself drifting off to sleep. Still, my eyes had barely closed before I heard the familiar, deep throated growl of a wolf in front of me.

My eyes shot open. Dugald was in front of me as a wolf, snarling. I screamed for the other Magi, but they were as still as statues. The wolf grabbed the manacles on my arms and dragged me away from the encampment. I screamed and pleaded for help, but the other Magi were standing as though they were frozen in time. Some were in the middle of eating, stew halfway to their lips, while others were perpetually poking the fire. I realized it had to be a dream, but it was too vivid to be any ordinary dream, and it terrified me.

The shaggy black wolf released my chains and transformed before my eyes. Dugald wasn’t naked, but was wearing his flowing ceremonial robes. Not a single hair was out of place on his head. I had to silently admit, he cleaned up nicely.

He asked, “You remember what I told you I would do if you ran away?”

I said, “You said you would lock me in the dungeon, blind me, hobble me, and make me eat raw meat. I don’t care anymore. Do your worst, but to get to me you’ll have to go through the Magi by the fire. It’ll be quite a spectacle. I’m kind of looking forward to seeing you try it.”

Dugald asked, “How do you know I don’t have you right now?”

I said, “You transformed back from a wolf and you’re fully clad. Plus, you can’t stop time or you would’ve caught up to me before now. Besides, the magic for stopping time is impossible. I’ve looked into it.”

Dugald said, “You always were much brighter than any of my other cultists.”

I said, “That’s because I’m not always high on dark energy. Why are you here, Dugald? Does it piss you off that much that I escaped, even if that means I’ve been captured by the Magi? You were right, by the way. They’ll probably kill me, so go ahead, and gloat. I’ve got all night.”

Dugald frowned and said, “I’m not here to gloat, quite the opposite, actually. I came to offer you a deal.”

I said, “What are you talking about? I’m hardly in any position to make a deal with you.”

Dugald said, “That’s why I’m here. If you pledge yourself to me and call out my name, you’ll get the spectacle you want. I’ll kill every one of these Magi and I’ll take you back.”

I muttered, “I know I said I didn’t care, but I think I’d prefer the swift death that I might get from the Magi from being blinded and held in a dungeon for the rest of my days.”

Dugald said, “I don’t intend to blind you or imprison you. In fact, I’d like to apologize for the incident earlier and sort of start things over.”

I asked, “How big of a fool do you think I am? Don’t insult my intelligence after you just praised me for it.”

Dugald continued, “I didn’t realize that fey boy was so important to you. If you vow to serve me, when you return we’ll bring him into the fold as well. He can even be your apprentice.”

I asked, “You just spat venom at the thought of him. Why? Why would you suddenly decide to let me come back along with him?”

Dugald said, “Because, you were right. I was being just like my old Master. I vowed that I would never do that to any of my apprentices, but I did it to you. I’m sorry.”

I said, “You nearly had me kill my true love, sorry doesn’t even begin to make up for that. You resented the hell out of him, so why would you let us both come back?”

Dugald said, “I didn’t realize how attached I was to you until today. If it means getting you back, I’ll tolerate his presence. When I saw you running away, I realized that I didn’t want you to go.”

I snarled, “Why?”

Dugald shouted, “I don’t know! I wish I did. I think it’s because you’re the closest thing to a companion that I had, and I want you back.”

I said, “A companion? I hate you.”

He said, “I don’t believe you do, otherwise you would’ve killed me when you had the chance. You didn’t have to spare my life when I was trapped in those vines.”

I said, “I was just repaying my debt to you. After what you nearly did to Maverick, you severed any attachment I had for you.”

He said, “I still don’t believe it. And, I didn’t kill him, did I? Don’t you think I could’ve stopped you if I had really wanted to?”

I muttered, “The only reason you didn’t kill him was because you wanted to make me do it. Why can’t you leave me to die in peace?”

Dugald said, “I can’t let them kill you. You have too much potential. Your magic is as beautiful as your face, and it flows from you with a chaos like that of a dangerous beast. I knew the day when you went through your initiation that if you just could harness your darker side, you could truly be great.”

I said, “I have no desire to harness my darker side.”

Dugald said, “And, that fascinates me as well. All of my other apprentices were easily corrupted. In fact, most of them sought me out, but not you. I was the voice that whispered to you at night after the ceremonies about power beyond your reach, and yet when you had nothing to lose you still denied me.”

I said, “So, that voice in my head really was you. I suspected as much. Why did you ask me to test my power against yours?”

Dugald chuckled, “Because I have a few centuries more experience than you do. It’s the same reason I never took much interest in what you were learning as long as you were learning something. There was no way you could’ve won that fight, but I wanted to see you use that power. I forced you to use a little of it in the end. How did it feel?”

I snapped, “I barely felt it at all. I was concentrating on stopping you from hurting my Love. And, I’ll bet you regret not paying attention to me now. I could’ve slit your throat on those vines.”

Dugald said, “Touché. Still, you would’ve been great, you know. I think you realized as much as I did that with your chaotic nature you would’ve been a natural at using that power for destruction. So, why didn’t you try before then?”

I snapped, “I’ll tell you why, because I’ve seen what your power does to people, and I’ve seen what it does to you.”

Dugald frowned and asked, “What do you mean?”

I said, “You manic mood swings, for one thing. One minute you’ll act kind, even gentle, and then next you’re cruel and ruthless. I’ve suspected for a long time that something had a hold on your soul. You aren’t in control of your power. You’re nothing but a puppet on a string.”

The expression on his face contorted with rage for a moment, and it was the demonic face that I had seen all too frequently. His eyes were red, his teeth were sharp points, and seeing him this closely, I could tell that his features weren’t even the same as Dugald’s. His face was more angular and his nose was hooked slightly on the end. His ears were also pointed like that of a fey. It was a primal, monstrous face, the sort of face that was a mask composed of darkness and contempt. Knowing that I was in a dream and he couldn’t hurt me, I couldn’t help but to cackle in his face. Still, unfortunately, my amusement at his fury seemed to please him, as he began to laugh as well. The voice laughing no longer belonged to Dugald.

The demon’s voice said, “We are all puppets on strings, my Dear.”

Suddenly, the face began to change, and it became that of Dugald once again. Still, he was visibly gasping with effort. I knew it took a great deal out of him to control his demon, and that meant I was right. He really wasn’t in control, though he liked to pretend to be.

Dugald acted as though nothing had happened and said, “Even if the Order doesn’t decide to kill you, you’ll be nothing but a tool for them to use, a bird in a gilded cage, and they’ll be watching you, closely. I’m offering you the chance to make your own rules, the chance to know forbidden knowledge that only those worthy are chosen to seek. I’m also offering you something far more valuable. I want someone to confide in, and I’ll allow that someone to be you.”

I was silent. Even though Dugald was deceptive, something about his tone told me he was totally sincere. If I accepted his deal, I would be a higher ranking member than any of the other cultists. For the first time in my life, I would be wealthy, respected, and in a position of power almost on par with Dugald. I could probably even have Accalon killed if I wished it. And, most important of all, I could have Maverick back. I would also know what Dugald’s plans really were, who he really was, and what he really was. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued or tempted. If I was that close to Dugald, one day I might be able to find out how to remove the curse he put on me, and on that day, I could kill him if I wished it.

But then, as I noticed the expression of desperation on his face, I realized I still didn’t want to kill him. He was right, I didn’t hate him. I actually felt very sorry for him. The man that I thought I hated, the man that had made my life a living hell, and who caused pain in the lives of hundreds if not thousands of people, was also the person I spent most of my life with. And, he was truly pathetic. He was so insane, so twisted, that he attracted the very kinds of people that were exactly like him, people he couldn’t trust or care about.

It made me realize that I really was the closest thing he ever had to a friend—but it didn’t change the fact I could never forgive him entirely or trust him again. And, if I stayed, he would eventually corrupt me. It would take a long time, but one day I would lose sight of myself, and Maverick made me promise that I would never lose sight of who I was, even to rescue him. Even without Dugald stealing my body, eventually I would become like him and that was something I simply could not allow.

He grinned and said, “Yes, I can hear your heart beating faster. I know you want to come with me. Just pledge your loyalty to me, call out for me, and I’ll save you.”

I muttered, “You can’t save me.”

Dugald chuckled and said, “You have no idea how powerful I am if you think those Magi are a match for me.”

I said, “I have no doubt you could defeat them all if you desired to do so, but you want to make sure that I’ll come with you willingly first. I won’t.”

Dugald asked, “Why? I can tell it’s what you want. I can see into your very soul. You would have your lover back. I would treat you as an equal. You would have the power you’ve desired your entire life. Don’t be a fool!”

I said, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be like you. Not for all the power you could give me, not even for Maverick.”

Dugald’s eyes glowed red for a moment. I had never seen such a dark look on his face in regard to me before. Dugald was giving himself over to the demon inside of himself again.

I muttered, “Can’t you control it, even for a little while? How can I trust you when you can’t even control your pet monster even for a few minutes?”

Dugald gasped and the countenance vanished at once.

He said, “After all these years, you don’t appreciate anything I’ve done for you. If it wasn’t for me, you would’ve starved to death, frozen to death, and you never would’ve met your precious ‘Maverick’ in the first place! You ungrateful, spoiled, bitch!”

I said, “I do appreciate you, Dugald. I should’ve told you that long before now. I was lying to myself when thought I didn’t. I appreciate all the kind things you did for me. For a time, you were my teacher and my only friend. You taught me to read. You helped me learn to control my magic. You gave me shelter, food, and cared for me, in the only way you knew how. And, most important of all, you were an example to me of the mage that I could eventually turn into.”

Dugald asked, “Then why reject me now?”

I said, “Because you were the type of mage I didn’t want to become. I’m sorry, Dugald. It’s over.”

Dugald shrieked. It was a horrible combination of pain and sadness that sounded more like the howls of anguish from a dying animal than the cry of a human being. The sound broke my heart, but I stood firm with my dead blank expression I always wore when I wanted to hide my emotions.

Then, the dream ended abruptly and agony consumed me like a fire burning away the skin of my chest. I heard screaming just as pitiable as Dugald’s somewhere very close by, and realized to my horror that the sounds were coming from my own throat. The Magi were rushing around me, asking me what was wrong, but I couldn’t speak. Dugald’s sigil on my chest was red and inflamed, and I think it was even glowing with a bright red light along with the scars carved along my body. Blood was coursing from it and my other scars, as though the scar tissue was simply gone and the cuts were fresh. My body convulsed and undulated to the music of pure unadulterated pain.

I heard Dugald’s voice in my head saying, “I could physically drag you back like I did the first two times you escaped, but not this time. No, I think I’ll let the Magi have you. You’ll see. One day they’ll betray you and you’ll come to me by your own choice. And, don’t worry. I’ll take you back because I love you, but you had better pray that on that day the ‘monster inside of me isn’t in control.’ I can understand why you chose to refuse my deal, but he can’t. Remember, if you ever attack me or another member the cult, especially with magic, this is only a taste of what you shall receive. Goodbye, Aisling. I’ll count the days until your return.”

When he said my name, the pain came to a horrendous crescendo. I fainted. I don’t know how long I was out, but by the time I awoke, I was already in the pit. At first, I thought the worst. I thought I was blind and inside of Dugald’s dungeon. Still, shortly after I awoke the first of the quesitors entered.

24

The quesitor sighed and said, “Finally awake, I see. My name is Quesitor Lemont. You must be Aisling.”

I groaned in response.

I could barely see Lemont except for the fact that he was standing in the small amount of light let in by the open trapdoor. I recognized him as the quesitor that suggested the others should kill me if there was no question about my identity the day that I was captured. Seeing him now, with his short, brown well trimmed hair and goatee, I was reminded of an artist’s depiction of Satan.

I muttered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you without the horns.”

He said, “I beg your pardon?”

I said, “Nothing.”

Lemont said, “That’s a nasty curse that Dugald put on you. Still, from what we gathered, you were quite brave to stand up against him while he attacked your mind. It was an interesting conversation that the two of you had.”

I didn’t say anything. If they had pried into my memories so much already that they knew about my conversation with Dugald in my magically affected dream, they knew that I had spared his life. Anything I could say at that point would simply incriminate me further.

He continued, “Half of those in our number think that you’re innocent, while the other half, think that you’re guilty. One of them has chosen not to cast a vote, wanting more evidence before he decides. I’ve never seen Dillon indecisive on a case, but you seem to have won him over.”

I asked, “And, which are you?”

Lemont said, “I voted that you were guilty, but I don’t think that you really are.”

I stammered, “Why? If you know I never wanted to touch that power, how can you think I’m any threat to you?”

Lemont laughed and said, “You aren’t a threat to us at all, particularly not to me. Why do you think I’m down here at your level talking to you?”

I asked, “Then why vote guilty?”

He said, “Because this situation is playing right into my hands. I wanted to thank you. I’ve been waiting for this moment a very long time.”

I muttered, “I don’t understand.”

Lemont said, “Without all of us decisive on a case like this one, it makes us look weak. We can’t afford to look weak in front of the tribunal. I’m using this case to champion my cause. We need a High Quesitor to preside over these cases, someone to make rules to streamline judgment over infernalists so we never seem weak again.”

I said, “So, let me guess, you would be this High Quesitor?”

He said, “Indeed. You are a bright girl. It does seem a shame to waste your life…”

Lemont reached out and touched my face. He looked as though he wanted to kiss me. I flinched away. Before now, I thought I knew what loathsome was from working with Dugald, but this man made me feel dirty just for speaking to him.

He chuckled slightly but continued, “That is exactly why I wanted you to know that your life wasn’t wasted.”

I said, “You’re talking as though they’ve already come to a verdict.”

He said, “They haven’t yet, but when I become High Quesitor, my first law will be that anyone exposed to the service to an infernalist for over a year is to be executed. It will make this so much more efficient. My second law is that in such clear cut cases the tribunal will not be allowed a vote.”

I said, “You seem pretty confident that you’re going to succeed. What if you don’t? Don’t you think it’s a liability to talk to me like this?”

Lemont said, “I’m sure that you’ll be killed either way. Even if Dillon decides to spare you, your Master is so notorious; no one in the Order will vouch for you. Someone would have to come forward and take you as an apprentice. Let’s just say that the prospect isn’t in your favor.”

I said, “I don’t think the prospect of you attaining the position of High Quesitor is in your favor either. Still, I can see that you also would rather cling to a false hope than to just give up. Finally getting away from Dugald has taught me to latch hold of any hope I have left too, rather than to let the words of a talking sack of shit crush my spirit.”

Lemont said, “According to a few other memories I spied as they were taking you away, your hope came from attaining a lover. Even if you are a monster, I’ll bet you miss the touch of a man, even now…”

He reached out and grabbed my hands.

I flinched away from him shaking with rage and said, “None of your business, and I see no man in here anyway.”

Lemont said, “I’m going to be a very powerful man in the very near future. I could be willing to show a rare amount of mercy and spare you as a gesture of good will before I enact my first law, if you were to make it worth my while. I like seeing women beg.”

He winked at me and unbuttoned a single button on his trousers.

I said, “You sicken me. I hope they do search more of my memories for evidence, so that they’ll see what you said to me. No one as corrupt as you deserves any position of power, much less one like you desire.”

Lemont laughed and said, “I’ve already marked this conversation as my own. They won’t look to see what I’ve done or said. It would be like scrying on a fellow Magus, and that’s against our rules. Right now, I can do and say whatever I’d like, and so can you. I’d love to hear your thoughts.”

I snarled, “I don’t know what to say, except that you’re a vile contemptible cockroach not worthy of my thoughts, or my attention.”

I turned away from him.

He said, “Oh yes, and the other reason I came down here was to loosen your tongue. The others are about to pry into your mind again, and it seems you just aren’t the cooperative type.”

I muttered, “I’m cooperating just fine. You haven’t asked me any…”

Before I could say anymore, he kicked me in the side.

I grumbled, “Son of a…”

He shouted, “Not going to talk, huh?”

He kicked me even harder in the stomach. I felt the air woosh out of my lungs and I was left gagging and spitting blood.

He said in a loud boisterous voice, “Tell me about Dugald. What do you know about his plans?”

I tried to speak, but I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. He kicked me in the forehead. I saw stars for a moment.

He said even louder, “I can see your resolve to protect your Master, but he will come to justice and so will you.”

I could barely handle an audible whisper but I spat, “You bastard. You won’t even let me talk?”

Lemont chuckled and whispered, “Well, you weren’t exactly begging, now were you?”

He kicked me hard in the mouth. I bit my lip and blood flooded my mouth. I suddenly had a new reason to live. I already wanted to survive to one day rescue Maverick, and now I wanted to survive if nothing more than to spite Lemont as well. He asked me more questions that he would kick my breath away before I could answer, until one of the other quesitors seemed to pick up on the fact that he was hurting me before I could answer, and took me out of the pit to interrogate me properly.

25

And now, the story has come full circle. The quesitors take me from the cell and probe my mind for hours at a time. I think that they’re finally done. Most of the time, while they worked I didn’t have to relive my memories. But, while they looked into my mind, I remembered things that I was trying hard to forget.

Still, a few of them probed so deeply that I was forced to remember every detail I endured. They wanted to literally see my memories through my eyes, so that they could find out the identities of the other cultists, and so I relived my initiation as an apprentice and as a cultist over and over again as though it was going on once more. I think that those Magi might pity me slightly. After all, they saw firsthand the horrible things that Dugald did to me, but they also threw me unceremoniously back into this pit after they were finished just as readily as the others.

As I mentioned, I don’t know how much time has passed in here, but I feel as though Dugald is watching me. If the verdict turns out to be death, he won’t let me be killed, and no, that’s not a comfort to me at all. I sit and wait, and hope. That’s all I can do. I can hear the door opening again…the light hurts my eyes. Is that Lemont? No, thank God, it’s Dillon.

It seemed Dillon also cleaned up nicely. His shaggy shoulder length dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail and I realized then he was maybe ten years older than me. He had premature gray streaks coming up through his hair, and worry lines on his face, but that didn’t detract from the rugged, handsome quality of his features. His eyes were a gray color that I remembered being harsh, but now that I saw him in the light, the color made them look tired, and slightly warm. I hadn’t really been paying attention to what he looked like the day that I escaped Dugald, but since now I was convinced I might not have long to live, I try to take in small details like that.

Dillon said, “I’ve cast my vote. I’ve decided that you aren’t an infernalist, and if someone will come forward and vouch for you, you may join the Order of Hermes.”

I said, “Thank you, but according to Lemont, that probably won’t happen.”

Dillon crouched down and muttered, “What did Lemont talk to you about?”

I said, “He told me that he wanted to create the position of High Quesitor so he could streamline the process of trials for potential infernalists. He wants to make it so that if anyone has been exposed to an infernalist for more than one year they’ll be put to death.”

Dillon said, “Hmmm…I know several of the Magi who subscribe to that theory. I didn’t know that Lemont wanted to change the entire structure of how we operate for it, though.”

I muttered, “He also basically told me that my fate depended on sucking him off. When I refused he beat me and pretended to be interrogating me.”

Dillon cursed and muttered, “I guess you feel the investigation has been compromised then?”

I laughed bitterly and said, “I didn’t expect it to be fair.”

Dillon said, “What you expected is immaterial. We pride ourselves on our grasp of the law and on ensuring everyone has a fair trial. I’m going to make inquiries about a Pater for you. If I can’t find one, I’m going to fight Lemont all the way to the tribunal.”

I sighed and said, “That’s exactly what he wants. He wants to make a public case out of me. If no one vouches for me, I’m put to death and I’m sure he’ll claim it was a waste of time and resources to try to save me. If I’m tried as guilty, then he says it was easy to tell I was an infernalist from the start and you should’ve put me to death the moment you saw me.”

Dillon sighed and said, “So no matter what happens, you lose, unless a Pater appears for you?”

I said, “Pretty much. I’ve accepted it. All I ask is that the cut is clean, and that you don’t let him kidnap me again.”

Dillon asked, “Him? You mean Dugald?”

I nodded, “I think something has happened to Maverick, so he probably won’t be able to intercede for me…”

My voice cracked. I wiped my tears off of my eyes before they could fall, but Quesitor Dillon saw it.

He looked at the floor and said, “I’m sorry.”

I looked away and quickly got back to the subject at hand, “But, Dugald doesn’t like it when someone takes one of his things. If he knows that you’re going to kill me, he’ll try to stop you. I’d rather die than go back to him.”

He muttered, “This is the other reason why it isn’t safe to keep an infernalist alive.”

I said, “To be fair, I don’t like it anymore than you do. I don’t want to be kidnapped, but I don’t want to die either.”

Dillon said, “I don’t know why, but I pity you. You’re the first case that I’ve studied where I legitimately believe that you don’t desire to return to your infernal Master and that you didn’t wish to be there in the first place. It only gets worse from here, though. The others will watch you for the rest of your life, or at the very least until your Master is caught.”

I said, “I know, but I’m not afraid. I have no desire to return to him, or to that disgusting power.”

He said, “Yes, you have no desire now, but you don’t know what the future will bring. We quesitors will be watching your every move, and if you turn to him in moment of weakness, it’s as good as admitting that your one of them. Are you prepared for that?”

I said, “Yes, but in return, are you prepared to save me if he takes me against my will.”

Dillon said, “Yes.”

I said, “Then, let’s hope that someone will help me finish my apprenticeship.”

Dillon nodded and said, “In the meantime, I’m going to move you to a cell. At least you’ll get a little sunlight and there are less rats to worry about.”

He extended a hand to me.

I muttered, “Thank you.”

Lemont suddenly blocked out the light from the trapdoor.

He muttered, “Well, isn’t this sweet. Quesitor Dillon, are you going somewhere with this girl?”

Dillon said, “I’m moving her to one of the cells. There’s no reason to keep her in here since the majority of the quesitors think that she’s innocent. She can wait for her new Pater in a holding cell.”

Lemont laughed, “I’ve already made inquiries. House Merinita doesn’t want her. That House is the only one that would’ve been interested in her abilities. You might as well leave her in the pit to await her execution day.”

Dillon asked, “And how much did you have to bribe them to ignore her? This girl isn’t going to be your poster child for the position of High Quesitor, at least not while we still have any justice on our side.”

Dillon helped me out and led me towards one of the cells. Lemont followed, continuing to berate us.

Lemont said, “Who are you going to get to take the girl. Face it, she isn’t worth protecting.”

A confused and tired voice called from the top of the stairs, “Hello? I’m not too late am I? I heard there was a girl being held here that needed a Pater. I’m here to vouch for her.”

26

All of us stood with our mouths open in shock for a moment. Dillon had the key halfway in the door of a holding cell. Lemont had gripped me by the top of my arm, as though to pull me back towards the pit. At the top of the stairs, a frail looking elderly man stood, looking at us with bright sea blue eyes through round spectacles. He had a warm face, with crow’s feet around his eyes and dimples in his cheeks. Wavy white hair hung crazily around his head as though it had a mind of its own that no brush could tame, and he had a small very well trimmed goatee with a little bit of stubble creeping around the edges of his chin.

He asked, “I’m not too late am I?”

Dillon grinned and a look of recognition spread across his face.

He said, “Not at all, Magus Oren, House Ex Miscellanea. I’m so glad that you’ve taken an interest in this case. How very appropriate…”

Lemont snapped, “Inappropriate is what he means. There are procedures that need to be followed. You can’t just come down here and expect to leave with an apprentice.”

Oren said, “Well, I kept trying to go through the proper channels, but it seemed no one wanted to assist me, so I finally decided to come and handle this myself.”

I looked at the floor. The smile on the face of the old man was comforting, but even Duglad could smile if the occasion called for it. I couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to help someone like me. For all the old man knew, I could be a monster. Perhaps that’s what he wanted. Or, maybe his attitude was more like that of Lemont, that he’d be willing to help me if I gave him some form of compensation.

Lemont said, “Magus Oren, don’t judge her based on her appearance. She’s a dangerous girl.”

Oren asked, “Do I look like a fool, Lemont? I’ve been a Magus before you were even out of diapers. I’m not going into this thinking I’m buying a pet. Of course I’ll have a look at her mind first.”

Oren looked into my eyes. I felt the pull of magic, coaxing me to reveal my thoughts and memories to him. I didn’t bother fighting him. If he really was considering taking me on as his apprentice, then he deserved to know who I was.

Oren gasped and said, “My word…”

Lemont said, “Yes, now you see why she should be executed…”

Oren continued as though he hadn’t heard Lemont, “You poor girl. Come with me. We’ll get you a warm bath and some apprentice robes. You may call me Magus Oren, actually, simply ‘Oren’ will do. After all, you’re going to be my apprentice. I saw that your name is Aisling, but we’ll work on a new moniker for you together.”

Dillon grinned and said, “Well, Lemont, looks like you’ll need a new case to follow.”

I heard him respond, “This isn’t over. She’ll slip up one day, and when she does, she’s mine…”

Still, I couldn’t concentrate on that conversation as I was led up the stairs and into the sunlight. I began to cry. Oren pretended not to notice. It was just such a shock for me. In one instant I went from accepting that I wouldn’t survive, to suddenly facing my dream come true. I was going to become a Maga one day. I was going to be an apprentice to a Magus of the Order of Hermes, and Dugald was nowhere to be found. But then, neither was Maverick. Still, I had to smile slightly, thinking of Lemont and the expression on his face of fury as Oren came to help me. And I also realized that if I became a Maga, maybe one day I would be able to go and find Maverick myself. He would be more than proud of me.

Oren led me to a chamber where I could bathe in privacy. It was the best bath I’ve ever had. I looked thin, sick, and dirty when I went in, but by the time I came out, I almost looked like myself again, with even a healthy blush to my cheeks. I scrubbed until every filthy part of me felt clean. I was given fresh robes that were a lovely velvety dark green that somehow went well with my red hair, and a dress of orange and green to wear beneath them.

He smiled when I emerged and said, “You look stunning. If you’ll accompany me to my carriage, I’ll tell you about the code of the Order of Hermes, and we’ll go to your new home, my covenant.”

I nodded but didn’t speak. The only memory I had of travel in a carriage was of Dugald taking me to his home. Somewhere deep down, I think I was under the impression that Oren was Dugald in disguise. So, I simply nodded and allowed him to talk. And talking was something that Oren did seemingly faster than the speed of thought. I found myself forgetting to listen as we rode, until he finally realized I wasn’t listening.

He muttered, “Aisling, you need to pay attention. This is the Code of Hermes I’m talking about and if you disobey the code, even by accident, they won’t go easy on you.”

I cringed and pulled my shirt down, exposing my back, saying, “I’m sorry. I’ll accept whatever punishment you give me. Dugald would’ve given probably twenty lashes…”

Oren looked embarrassed and stammered, “Please, Aisling, pull your shirt back up. What on earth did he do to you? Those scars…”

I muttered, “He did worse than that.”

Oren said, “Well, you will never have to worry about that sort of thing any longer. Dugald seems to be the sort that valued a system of pain and punishments for bad behavior. I tend to favor a system of rewards, and any discipline I’ll give you would never leave a mark.”

I looked into the old man’s eyes and realized he was telling the truth. He wasn’t going to hurt me. While Dugald was probably right that some Magi treated their apprentices horribly, I was lucky. My Pater was going to treat me like a Father would treat a daughter. I felt something spread on my face, and realized that for once, it was a smile. Oren returned it gladly.

He said, “I’ve always wanted a daughter. I’m afraid my studies just didn’t leave me any time to pursue any relationships. It seemed so perfect when I found out about you. I too dabbled in the dark arts before I was found by the Magi as well.”

I stammered, “You did?”

He looked slightly ashamed and said, “I didn’t realize it at the time. I thought I was talking to ghosts. It turned out I wasn’t. Still, I remember how they treated me, and I just couldn’t fathom them doing that to someone else, not if I could help it.”

I said, “I didn’t deserve to be rescued. I knew what I was doing.”

Oren said, “But, you didn’t want to be. I could see that much when I glanced into your thoughts.”

I said, “It doesn’t change what I did.”

Oren said, “There’s nothing we can do to change the past, but we can always change our future.”

I said, “I won’t disappoint you, Sir.”

He said, “I’ve been thinking about your new name. Due to your heritage, how about the name Shayla? It means, ‘from the fairy fort.’”

I said, “It’s perfect. Thank you, Pater.”

And Oren was indeed my Pater. I had never had a Father figure as stable or as kind as he was. He really became like a Father, and I like his daughter. The following years were the happiest that I’ve ever had. Even though I missed Maverick, I was studying to increase my skill for that very purpose. I wasn’t ready to go into Arcadia alone to find him, but Oren was making sure that by the time I did that I would have the magical talent to survive it.

Of course, Lemont still somehow blamed me for his plans falling through and challenged me every chance that he got in, the hope that I would accept and he could kill me in a wizard’s duel. I laughed him off. He really wasn’t worth my time. From what I understand, I was lucky that I only made one enemy from the ordeal with the quesitors and one friend in Quesitor Dillon.

As for Dugald, I still sometimes feel like I’m being watched in the dark, but I’m in the company of powerful wizards now all of whom care about me enough to put their lives in danger to save me. I sincerely believe that Dugald is a coward at heart. For once in my life, I know what it means to have a family and I feel safe. However, this isn’t to say that my magic is no longer corrupted and that I’m no longer under suspicion. Dillon wasn’t lying when he said my life would be under scrutiny. Still, I feel confident that they have nothing to worry about. I’m going to find my way to redemption. Still, I’ve also been having strange dreams, where I think my Father has been trying to contact me, to get me to come to Arcadia, but that’s another story…

Wavespire:Characters:Shayla:Backstory3

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